


Disquietude

by kaapa (orphan_account)



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Exile, ILL ADD TAGS SO PLEASE REQUEST IF I NEED TO ADD ANY, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intrusive Thoughts, Manipulation, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sleep Deprivation, Suicide, THE ORDER OF EVENTS ARE PROB WRONG BUT ITS ONLY MINOR THINGS SO DONT WORRY, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28048935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/kaapa
Summary: Theseus really did lose it all.Tommyinnit is no different.
Relationships: (im a hypocrite), No Romantic Relationship(s), None, dont ship real people - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	Disquietude

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is my first time posting on Ao3, And this is also my first time writing for a fandom. I dont often write fanfic but im obsessed with MCYT'S so HERE WE GO!
> 
> If the characters are OOC, PLEASE tell me and ill do more research on how they act and such, this is mostly Tommy-centric and his POV so... YEAH.  
> Also Im infact a sadist, so tell me how much you just are in PAIN i'd love to hear it :]

Whether it was the words that fell out of Tubbo's mouth or if it was his expression that was etched onto his face as he spoke, tears threatened to fall. But he kept it inside, Spite or embarrassment of crying infront of others was enough for his emotions to steer into anger. How Dare they exile him after all he did for them? How dare they turn away from him the moment he focused on himself for once other than the crumbling society and hope around him.

  
Flags raised high and burning, embers of hatred and war had spat across the playing field. Dirt struck up as they ran, away from the walls, away from the enemy. Away from Dream. Thinking about it now, Tommy wondered why his past self didnt view Dream as big of a threat as he does now. The man was mysterious, unnerving and held the lives of many people in his hand like it was nothing but dirt.  
Not only completely anonymous, he was also good at PVP, managing to hold his own against Technoblade (For a while atleast) and beating the entire game more than 3 times now in world-record speed. It was terrifying.

  
Standing but a meer 4 feet away from him, Tommy realised it as bright as the day the malicious intent radiating off the man. Not only for the fact that he was about to end his hope of ever living peacefully again but the fact he managed to manipulate his bestfriend, his right-hand man, His Tubbo... Into exiling him from the nation. It was truly terrifying.

  
"Tommyinnit, You are hereby exiled from L'Manburg" 

  
Naturally, he laughed. Nervously, but a laugh nonetheless. The cold daggers Tubbo shot at him from his grimace shook him to the core.  
He looked more of an angry stranger than his closest friend. Hair tamed to try and look neat yet disheveled still, Tugging clearly noticable on his strands. Clothes tidy and straight yet look as if they came from the dump, Countless times to try and straighten his tie shown on his shirt. His face, though loving and warm managed to keep the angered expression. Crease lines worn into his face from brow furrowing. A snarl. Feral almost, yet it was still his bestfriend! _**His stance said otherwise. Fist clenched at his sides and shoulders raised higher, head slightly down. This can't be him, It isnt.**_

  
Protests of rage and disbelief rang out behind him, the lingering form of a spectre standing farther away from them. Concern written all over his form and an uneasy smile on his face. He had wanted to say more, and he had tried to. But the words just didnt seem to come out of his mouth. They died on his tongue, hope snuffing out as soon as he understood the situation. His hands trembled as he grasped the blue in his hand tighter. _**This will once again be another bad memory he'll forget anyway. ~~Will he though?~~**_

Tommy glanced at his comrades stood beside him. Quackity and Fundy.  
Good fun they truly were, Playing games and always being there for the nation he sought out to bring freedom and liberty to. Clear fury sketched on their faces, expressions of an indescribable disbelief. Fundy's tail puffed, swishing dangerously behind him. Quackity's expression twitching before morphing into shock, hands tensing up. Tommy listened into what they were saying, or he tried to but he just kept staring at the town beside him, stood proudly above the cavern of a broken memory. Buildings looking cosy and plants lush. The van didn't sway even as the wind picked up. It was strong even after all these years. _ **it should've fallen. ~~But why?~~**_

  
A single name echoed out to him, even as he paced lightly on his feet ignoring the destruction of a friendship happening to him. 'Schlatt'. _ **A stupid thought. It's stupid to think of the dead. ~~But ghostbur?~~**_

Fundy stood forward, spitting out sentences at Tubbo. Tubbo looked on, tiredness worn almost proudly across his form. An unmistakable aura of spite surrounding him. Dream stood not that far behind, The mask gleaming in the mid-day as if a light had been shown upon it. Highlighting the most prominent feature, A smile drawn crudely on the porcelain. A green hoodie with a dark armoured vest on top of it. Jeans with some potions strapped to the belt. An axe hanging dangerously off his back. Menacing to say the least. His full glory far from the casual items he was wearing.

  
It seemed to happen in a blink of an eye to Tommy. First he was discussing with Tubbo how they'll have a plan, next where Tubbo betrayed him, next to where he was kicked off the wall and led to a boat and ghostbur following not far behind, then Him and ghostbur in a boat with Dream in another leading them to a land far away, and finally with him, Ghostbur and dream on a random island far away from everyone. _ **Far away from home.**_

  
"Alright throw all your stuff down here Tommy." Dream dug a hole, pointing down to it as he stood on the edge of it, other hand reaching into his inventory to find something. 

  
"What? No! Im not gonna do that you green prick!" Tommy shouted back at him, shoving his hands into his jean pockets. Dream only nodded and took out his sword. Ghostbur already dropped his items into the hole, crouching down to throw any left over trash into the pit.

  
"--my blocks... And thats it! Thanks dream!" He said, smiling happily afterwards as he stood back up again and went to craft a chest.

  
"Come on Tommy, i don't wanna hurt you." Dream replied, Waving his sword dramatically as if he were to actually do it. Tommy merely scoffed and rolled his eyes. Smirking before his mischevious attitude were to call Karma on him.

  
"Try me Bitch!" Smacking Dream once, he attempted to punch the daylights out of him. Only to get a dodge. Sliding the sword to fit his grip, Dream ducked and lifted the sword up. Stabbing deep within his arm, Drawing blood, Tommy winced and backed off. Grimacing as he looked back up at Dream only to get a wave of a sword as a response and a threatening step forward.

  
"Woah woah woah! Okay-Okay... Dream ill do it! Dont get to hasty here!" Nervously laughing and gripping his arm, He selected all of his armour in his inventory as well as his enderchest and other blocks and food, Throwing it out into the darkness of the hole he stood before the man once more awkwardly. 

  
Staring at him, Dream sighed. Ghostbur placed some items in a chest before turning back to the two and walking up to them, tugging on his mustard-coloured jumper sleeve and attempting to fix his collar.

  
"And your tools too Tommy. Dont try and trick me here." Pointing down at the pit, Tommy could just feel the way Dream rolled his eyes, even behind the mask. Annoyance lighting through him, Tommy gritted his teeth and gripped his arm tighter. _**Hadn't he given the man enough already? God damnit.**_

  
"No. You listen here you green-looking bitch! I ain't taking none of Thi-" 

  
Tommy barely realised he was on half hearts, adrenaline rushed through him as his body bled crimson and his words died out on his tongue. The very tip, sour words never leaving his mouth as he fell onto the ground again in pain and hastily grabbed his tools and dropped them inside the hole. Now bearing nothing, Tommy stared up in disbelief at Dream.

  
Grabbing a stick of TNT, He through it down the hole. Equipping his Bow, He reached into his inventory and took out an arrow. It began flaming the moment it got in contant with the threatening purple luminescence of the string, and even as it fired it never went out. Wind whipped past the projectile and the whiplash of the string was heard in the air. A fizzle sounded throughout the tiny dirt building before a large bang flooded Tommy's ears and he winced at the sound, reminiscing about a memory of destruction and death, pain and stinging, arrows and hatred, a porcelain mask and the laughing of a friend--

but then ringing left and he was left with the pitter patter of the rain on the dirt roof.

Dream, covering the hole he turned to Ghostbur and said his goodbyes. Tommy muttered a few vulgar words to him and a few threats before Dream turned to Ghostbur who nodded and attempted to continue conversation but Dream quickly left instead. Frankly, Tommy was glad he left as soon as possible. He couldn't stand looking at the worst man of them all. _**Yet a small part of his mind debated if Wilbur took the top spot.**_

  
But as soon as Dream was gone, Tommy realised he was completely alone. His best friend left him for dead. His own brothers left his life, either to hide away or to the spirit world. His friends hadn't even bothered to try and stop his sentence. And now he had nothing. 

  
His power was stripped away from him. _ **Like a log... He should take that into thought**_. And now he had nothing. He saved his city, and now he's been exiled. _**This is becoming more and more like that old story Technoblade told...**_ He's truly alone.

  
As the rain stopped and the sun set, Tommy though fired up had an overwhelming sense of dread stinging through him like an eel. It was selfish to say the least. Just like Tubbo said. I guess he was right huh? He only wanted to get his disks. And now he had a plan in action to get said disks. Written pathetically on some signs he had a rough plan sketched out. 

  
_'- get disks_  
_- kill dream_  
_-come back to home L'Manburg'_ (He would be lying if he said it didnt take him a few tries to accurately get the spelling right)

* * *

  
Around a day and a half had passed since the removal of his rights as a citizen, and he was frankly surprised at how well he had become during the meer 30 hours. Turns out having a ghost along side you and being an expert on creating pretty buildings was helpful as he was now standing proud infront of the makeshift walls, smiling at the stripped-log.

  
A small blue tent and house ~~Wilbur~~ Ghostbur made resided within the walls and the _allmighty log_ he found with an apple on it, that just radiated to him positivty and made him in a happier mood for a while sat just beside the house. He felt like a rich, powerful man when near the log. Yet he felt that if he were to stand by it too long the power would get to his head. So he opted to only do it occasionally. A stack of barrels filled with various items sat on one side and his checklist scrabbled on the walls of the other.

  
A path paved into the middle of the walled area reached out into the plains biome and stretched to a nether portal Dream made for easier access, His tent, though clearly not of the greatest craftsmanship stood proudly on a small hill overlooking the sea And a christmas tree Puffy had made also stood in his little town, slightly farther from the rest of the action but close enough nonetheless.

Smirking he walked out and onto the path, walking briskly down into the mines. Seraching for any iron he could find he had a plan. To make armour, some tools and go out into the nether to find a new fortress. He had planned it a few hours beforehand, and luckily for him the allmighty log (Which he nicknamed the Prime log) managed to keep his spirits up high enough so he could play out his plan. It was already late in the night, and Dream wouldn't come until the morning. It hadn't been more than 2 days yet, and he already knew the schedule. 

  
Tommyinnit may not be the smartest in terms of the PvP and the overall knowledge section, but Tommy was not the dumbest either. Of course smart enough he had already hatched out a plan to be able to avoid the many dangerous beasts of the Nether and Dream of course.

  
He had even wrote it down in a book Wilbur had made for him the same day he left.

  
_**'pigman** \- ignoer_  
**_magma ~~slime~~ cube - kill_ **  
_**piglin** \- kill/run_  
_**ghast** \- kill/run_  
_**strider** \- ignore* i dont know. dont they noly spawn on lava??_  
_**piglin dog looking shits (hoglin)** \- run maybe?? havent seen many so ill figure it out when i get there_  
**_blaze -_ ** _kill_  
_**wither skeleton** \- run/kill? gottabe careful_  
_**dream** \- ignore for as long as fucking possible. or run but he'd chase me like some stalker._  
~~_women - yeeeeessssssssss gotta get those omwne ya know?'_ ~~

  
_**Coming to realise this, Tommy really did like writing a lot.** _

  
Sighing, he put the notebook away after crossing out the final suggestion.

  
_i dont think women will be in the nether unfortunately..._

  
Picking his pickace back up again he went to mine another iron ore before he felt a hand place on his shoulder.

  
Screeching in terror he swung around and hit the pickaxe across the intruder, missing its target he looked at the person and saw the porcelain mask once more. The smile taunting him again as if he was to miss it every time it left his field of view. _**He didnt want to admit it but he really did.**_

  
"Woah Tommy calm down there!" Dream said, adjusting his hood before he stood up once more, stretching his arm. Tommy watched in shock, breathing heavily at the sudden scare.  
Cracking his face into a smile he laughed.

  
"What the hell Dream! You scared me!" Holding his heart as if that could calm him. Dream chuckled before digging up a hole. Tommy, opening his eyes he groaned. The hatred for the man coming back once more. Sighing he looked at Dream, a confused look in his eyes.

  
"You know the drill Tommy, Hurry up then we can do something together." Pointing down into the hole, settling a hand into his inventory once more looking for an object.

  
"But aren't you like... 4 hours early? Come on Dream! Let me have this!" Groaning out of frustration, not realising he already threw his items into the hole. He sighed and looked away. Dream groaned and crossed his arms, the stick of TNT already in his hands.

  
"You know i can't do that Tommy. Stop being a child take out some flint and steel." Dream attempted to say softly as he crouched down and balanced the TNT over the hole.

  
Tommy looked at the hole, already searching through his inventory. Finding the item he held it out, only for Dream to nod at the hole. Looking at a chest and walking to it, opening it and sifting through items he looked for some food. Tommy stared at him before looking down at the abyss. His pickaxe and sword, aswell as some other important materials lay in there cold. The darkness made it harder to see but the signature shine of the tools made it much easier. 

  
"Dream.. I dont wanna light it." 

  
Dream looked over his shoulder, staring at the 16 Year old who held the flint and steel limply in his hand, looking at the hole bleakly and never taking his eyes off it. He looked back up at Dream, his eyes colder than they were when they were laughing only a few minutes ago. Dream let out a heavy sigh and stood up, standing before the edge of the hole. Staring at Tommy.

  
"Tommy you have to do it." He said, motioning to the pit with a flat hand. Tommy looked at the hand then Dream, a slightly annoyed expression drawing onto his face once more.

  
"No i dont! I just wanna survive!" Tommy shouted, snarling at the end and standing straight. His anger taking control over him again. A flame that never really seemed to die bursting out again. Dream put a hand on his temple and looked Tommy in the eyes through the pinpricks of his mask. Glaring though he couldn't see it.

  
"Tommy. You know what happens if you dont do it." 

  
Tommy silenced himself and the lion inside him seemed to die down again, him looking down at the hole in fury and making a flame and chucking it a the TNT roughly.

He kicked the TNT into the hole and watched as the spark ignited and ruptured brightly. A large explosion sounded throughout the cavern he created, The familiar sound so far yet so close. Another memory of screaming and crying as he coughed up smoke and looked up. Only to see his brother-- 

  
His thoughts were cut off from a soft hand placing onto his shoulder and leading him out of the mine, up towards the surface again. He looked at Dream who just looked at him and seemed to smile. Smiling slightly he brushed the hand off his shoulder, yet found himself holding himself in his arms as he traversed up the staircase with Dream trailing not far infront of him.

  
"Come on Tommy, let's do something fun today huh?"

  
Tommy looked up and the mask shone again in the light from the nearing sky. He rolled his eyes and nodded, looking through his inventory for an axe.

  
His eyes caught onto a sword and a small thought rang through his head as he looked back up at Dream. 

  
_**You could stab him right now.** _

  
Widening his eyes, he shook his head even though a short smile broke out onto his face at the thought of seeing Dream dead before him, Closing his inventory again he fastened his pace. 

* * *

  
It was a repetitive process, Dream would cut loads of trees, Tommy would place the logs and they'd strip them together. Of course said process didnt last for long as Dream left not that far afterwards and yet Tommy found himself missing his company. 

  
He groaned and rubbed his eyes, not sleeping for more than a day really began to hurt his head as every hour or so a headache would set in, his eyes began to ache and his movements felt slow. He managed to forget about it until now but truthfully he didnt think it would affect him this much. 

  
It was around the late morning now, almost the mid-day (Or so he could tell, looking at the sun really didnt help his already blurry vision) and he was tired. But he had to keep working, who knows when a visitor would come and he couldn't imagine him ever forgiving himself if he was asleep while someone visited him.

  
Thinking about it again, he really forgot when someone last visited him. Slumping onto the ground he attempted to rack his brain for thoughts yet he couldn't stand even keeping his eyes open, all it did was make his head hurt more and frankly he didnt want to deal with another migraine to fuck his day up. Looking out over the hills, he watched as his tent flowed and the soft hum of music travelled through the air. Guitar strings vibrating as Ghostbur played within Logsted. 

  
It was nice. Tommy could understand how Ghostbur thought of it more as a holiday rather than his forever home, but he couldn't understand how he was happy all the time. Staring at the sea that was just barely visible, he crossed his legs and leaned his head against the chest-room he attempted to create with Dream.

He had forgotten how many days had passed and only had when Dream would come visit he could tell, which was usually daily unless he said so.

He counted seconds and minutes and tried hours but as before, he isnt the smartest knowledge wise so maths wasn't always one of his strong suits. He did admire himself on his sense of intuition. Knowning when something was wrong, but only for others. He knew when it was too far and knew when it wasn't enough. He always liked to make others laugh but it seemed his sense of intuition was wrong this time because he got himself fucking exiled over a prank.

  
He guesses he was glad over his friends, Ranboo was always kind to him, and the people that did come round were to either make fun of him, give him pity gifts or... _**or ?**_

  
_**All you are is a form of entertainment** _

  
He cursed himself as he smacked his head, realising the music stopped he slowly got up and brushed himself off, only just now noticing the holes and smudges of blood on his shirt. Wiping his face he groaned and stumbled slowly towards his tent. A nap wouldn't hurt right?

  
Eventually opening the curtain to his humble abode, he sat down on the matress. It shook and croaked and he was sure that if he didnt press his weight down correctly the thing would collapse. Staring at the triangle-d ceiling he sighed again and pressed his face into the pillow, closing his eyes. 

  
Yet everything only seemed to get louder, the annoying brush of the leaves against the trees. the cursed swish of the sea brushing against the store. the stupid guitar strumming coming from Logstedshire. All it did was get louder.

  
_And so did his thoughts._

  
Lying there, he curled up closer to himself. It was nearing December and though the tnret kept the heat insulated and his body heat kept the sheets warm he couldn't help but shiver.

  
As he attempted to breathe, all he could smell was the sea salt, slowly coming to resemble the smoke he breathed in and choked on. The leaves and animals began to sound like explosions sounding out throughout the sky, the guitar strumming began to sound like screaming and the maniac laughing. His heart beat began to sound like the slow leaking of blood that trickled down his sides. _**It just got so loud.**_

  
He attempted to open his eyes, yet his vision was obscured through smoke, blurry and cold. The blood ran down his face, and the tears and wears of his clothes felt like the many sword strikes he felt as he went to attack. The sobbing sounded throughout his brain and he sighed, trying to take a deep breathe but only inhaling smoke.

  
His vision clouded more, until it cleared, the sight of his brother, stabbed through the chest with a long sword by his own father engraved into his memory. His vision began to blur again, the explosions still sounding off as more destruction reached the land.

  
The screaming of his friends and family were all he could hear.

So loud, it was so incredibly loud and every breath he took was smoke.

He closed his eyes and he felt the blood rush down his face.

He looked over to his side and saw his friends, bleeding and hurt crying. Sobbing over the passed out bodies of friends.

Tommy breathed in once more and choked on a gasp, looking at his friend cry in his arms. **It was loud**.

  
_**So incredibly loud.** _

He didnt feel sad, nor did he feel much. Yet there was an unending ache in his chest and arms that wouldn't lift even as he tossed and turned and as the day turned to night. It didnt end. The memories kept replaying over and over and it just **wouldnt stop.**

A final gasp for air and all he could see was black, and the crust of the blood dried on his face.

  
...  
He managed to pass out from exhaustion.

\--

**He would only learn later from a very worried Ghostbur that he was the one he heard crying and screaming.**

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! First time really writing angst and stuff so i hope i got it right. Enjoy!  
> Updates may be frequent or stagnate, really it depends on how i feel like writing that day.  
> Thank you! <33


End file.
